Hey there,

Some people require space to recharge, some need space to breathe and some, just need space to just be. In this case, a relationship also needs space to survive. Everyone is different but believe it or not, having healthy space away from your special one is a good thing. 

I work away from my hometown and when I leave, I miss my partner terribly even if it is just for the night but I can tell you right now that when we spend too much time together, we don’t connect as well as we usually do. This is proof that we need our personal space. 

Here are some reasons why distance in a relationship is needed in every relationship:

Why alone time is important

• Keeps things intimate

It increases intimacy and desire on a physical and emotional level. Intimacy is about your ‘truth’. In the relationship perspective, it is about that feeling of belonging and really trusting your other half to hold onto your fragile little heart. I don’t know about you but when I am by myself that is when I reflect on how important it is to trust my partner because when you put trust into them that is when the relationship really becomes alive and real. 

• Keeping your own sense of values

You may not agree on everything and you may even have different views and beliefs. I can tell you right now that my partner and I do not share the same views on many things but that doesn’t mean we don’t respect each other’s views or beliefs. So what better way to get in touch with myself? By being alone lets me get in touch with my values: Love, kindness and honesty. 

• Fosters independence and strength

Being with your partner every chance possible cannot be healthy for yourself or your relationship. When being in love with someone, you should be scared to lose them but you need to be able to depend on yourself because you cannot depend on your loved one or anyone for your every need in life. You need your own independence and from independence comes strength. 

• Allows time to recharge

Everyone recharges differently but I am one who likes to be in the presence of my thoughts when doing so. This is where I unplug my head and recharge my soul. The stressors from life in general can extinguish that flame inside you and recharging allows you to become you again. When you are yourself, you are happy and what better way is there to be when you are with your loved one?

Men need alone time, too!

Some men might not be as outspoken or as sensitive as us but that doesn’t mean they aren’t human. They need alone time too and we cannot make them feel guilty about it - we need to support it. When a man is in their quietness of solitude that is when they are able to reflect, recognise what is happening with them emotionally and see where they are at in their lives. So if they say they are going to their ‘man cave’ or whatever they then be okay with them going there. Besides, it is generally in our own time where we improve ourselves and if we don’t know what is going on how are we meant to become better than we currently are?

Yes, it is normal to want alone time

• Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Do you find yourself thinking about your partner when you are apart? I do. I could be doing a school run or just going to do some grocery shopping without him and still, my thoughts find their way back to him. I am mad about him. This is what I mean when absence makes our hearts grow fonder. We wouldn’t be as appreciative of them or even be aware of it if we are not apart from each other. 

• It does not mean your relationship is in trouble

Hell no, sister! Don’t go there. Your relationship is not in trouble. Heck, you are saving your relationship before the troubles even begin. It is as simple as that. It is completely natural and if you are happy with or without alone time then alone time poses no threat to your relationship.

 You need to love yourself before you can love someone else

Sometimes I find when I am needing space the most, is when I know that I need to work on myself. For example, I’ll have a day where I am feeling “extra chunky” and I get all self conscious and angry which results in me then taking it out on my kids or partner. Alone time is where we discover our worth and love for ourselves. I am a firm believer that if you know your worth and love yourself, then you are able to love them like they deserve. 

Signs of needing alone time

• When you are always arguing

This is the perfect time for it because space and time allows for your anger to fade and we all know when we are angry things can sometimes things we say go too far

• When you become over sensitive to things he says

Do you find that the littlest thing that he says, you overreact to it. Like, he will tell you to calm down or you are being dramatic and you stomp your foot as you feel the steam build up in your head? Well then sister, you need to go for a walk. And yes, I have chucked a tantrum and stomped my foot in the past. 

• When you have no patience

If he chews too loudly and your eye twitches when you can generally overlook this matter, then this is definitely a sign. We all have flaws that we overlook in everyone that we love yet when they start to ignite that little voice called ‘irritation’, ask yourself: when was the last time I had some quiet time?

So why is ‘alone time’ important? Well why the heck isn’t it! It is for our mental health, recognising the worth of ourselves and also making sure that we respect our loved ones by allowing ourselves to recharge so when we are in the presence of them, we are the best versions of ourselves. So find that balance in your relationship. On average, professionals suggest 70% with and 30% without your partner is a healthy balance. 

So tell me, why do you think space is important in our relationships, and can you recognise when you are needing it?

Let me know in the comments below!

See ya,

Emmylou